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Satire: Translating the Gilbert Arenas Op-Ed

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Suspended NBA star Gilbert Arenas is out of action for the rest of the season, after a gun incident in the Washington Wizards locker room. Arenas is losing roughly $100,000 (U.S.) a day as he sits on the sidelines, awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty to weapons charges.

On Tuesday, he authored an op-ed in The Washington Post, apologizing at great length for his actions. It you lean in, you’ll catch the antiseptic hint of a press release written by committee. But we’ve provided a translator to help you work through the confusing bits.

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