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The Raiders introduced their head coach, Dennis Allen, Monday at team headquarters. We now hold a news conference about that news conference:
Q: What new and different things did Allen promise for the Raiders?
A: Hello. Every new-coach news conference is a veritable Niagara Falls of white noise and cliches. Allen said he will have an "up-tempo offense." Who has a down-tempo offense?
Any new coach is essentially saying, "Here I am, this is how I look in person, this is how I sound, please listen to my generic enthusiasm for 45 minutes and form an overall impression of me. Then enjoy the complimentary lunch."
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