Lance Armstrong caused a major kerfuffle this week — MAJOR — by scheduling an interview with Oprah Winfrey that will air January 17. Their conversation will reportedly be "no-holds-barred," making it totally different from those lamewad "holds-barred" conversations Anderson Cooper is always having, and raising hopes that (a) Lance is intending to confess to doping and apologize for his years of lying to the public, and (b) Oprah will respond to his confession by executing an MMA-style triangle lock and choking him out on the mat. Either way, the news got us thinking: What other sports villains should turn to Oprah to begin their long and painful work of insincerely miming penitence for as long as it takes their Q-rating to nudge back into Dancing With the Stars territory?
Important note: There's no way around it; some of the people on this list are dead. This does not, in our view, disqualify them from going on TV. This is Oprah, guys. Everybody gets time machines.