Pebble Beach -- Wayne Gretzky says he is a middling, inconsistent golfer, a 13-handicap, and after watching him for a couple holes Tuesday at Spyglass, I thought I could help him.
"I see what's wrong with your game," I said, but he was way ahead of me.
"It's not moving," Gretzky said, referring to the ball.
Exactly. Put Gretzky on jet skis and tell him to slam the golf ball as it's skidding across the fairway, into the cup, while other golfers try to clobber him out of bounds, and Gretzky would win the Masters.
But no, Gretzky plays by the rules. Doesn't even hit his drives with a Happy Gilmore run-up slap shot. And so he sucks, by top golf standards.
The genius of Gretzky was that he took the world's fastest game and slowed it dowwwwn. He can't do that with golf, which is already slower than room service in Hell.
Gretzky dabbles at the game, plays it for fun. He's back at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am after several years away because his daughter's boyfriend invited him. Wayne and wife Janet have five kids. One of them, Paulina, has a boyfriend named Dustin Johnson, a star on the PGA Tour and a two-time winner at this tournament.
Of course, Gretzky accepted Johnson's invitation. What dad with a lovely young daughter wouldn't jump at the chance to show the boyfriend that dad is really good at swinging a stick?