Either Brett Favre is not going to play football this season or Brett Favre is going to play football this season. Right now, he's playing the media for the dolts we are. Then again, you want another story on how A-Rod can't get to 600?

But why does it have to be this way every summer? Why all these cryptic dispatches and this speculation? E-mails to his teammates? Denials from his coach?

How come WikiLeaks knows everything about our secret strategy in Afghanistan but is unable to tell us about Favre's future?

ESPN loves this stuff. So does NFL Network. So do we all. "Hey Marge, did you see what they're saying on the TV? That Brett Favre is going to retire? No, I'm not talking about last year or 2008. It's right now.''

The Dog Days? The Favre is Dogging Us Days. We woke Tuesday to the news "a source with knowledge of the situation'' has told the Associated Press that Favre is retiring for a third time.

Isn't that the charm? The third time? Not that there's anything charming about our fascination with Favre. When he's out of uniform.

On the field, playing quarterback, he's great, worthy of our attention. As the subject of yearly rumors, he's less than appealing.

Is this stuff scripted? Does Brett sit down there in Mississippi and conjure up methods of taunting the media? Or is what transpires simply accidental? Is he really unable to make the decision to return or to retire?

The timing is impeccable. LeBron is yesterday's news, until the end of October. The baseball trading deadline is no longer a story. We're growing weary of Tiger's problems. The Celtics signing Shaq is inconsequential, except for Shaq.

Enter, Mr. Favre. Or, according to the reports, don't enter Mr. Favre. Farewell, Mr. Favre.

We're so suspicious. Favre deserves better. You remember that eulogy of beauty back in 2003, Favre's most difficult game, the night after his dad died. Favre's most astounding game, 399 yards against the Oakland Raiders. Honor thy father.

We deserve better. He's too much a part of America's recent sporting history to offer us vacillation. Brett Favre, inevitable Hall of Famer. Brett Favre, current irritant.

He's going to issue a press release Tuesday. That could set us straight. It also keep us guessing.

He didn't want to leave the Packers. He retired from the Jets in February '09. When the Vikings came calling, Favre told Sports Illustrated's Peter King, "By saying no, I know I'm leaving an incredible opportunity on the table, and that opportunity is not coming back.''

Instead, Favre came back. And spectacularly, which is why he can't be ignored, when good sense says he should be until in a loud, clear voice, literal or figurative, he declares "Yes'' or "No.'' At which time we should declare the issue finished. Except it's impossible.

If he quits Tuesday, either the Vikings, who need him, will attempt to talk him into returning or he'll watch the season begin without him and talk himself into returning. Or both.

Last year, the critics said it was unfair for Favre to avoid the harshest part of training camp, stride right in and, even being chosen captain - by management, if not his peers - take over.

Rank and reputation have their privileges, and the Vikings were privileged to get so very near the NFC Championship, a place they couldn't have been without Favre.

The final bell is the worst sound for an athlete or sportsman. So he keeps trying not to hear. Eventually, the career ends, if not because a team no longer needs a player because age diminishes his skills. Taught from childhood never to give up or give in, the athlete fights on.

"In your work,'' Joe Montana, the Super Bowl quarterback said once, "you can leave and come back. But when we leave, it's forever. So nobody wants to leave.''

Brett Favre, who has started a record 285 games, understandably doesn't want to leave. Neither does he want to say he doesn't want to leave. Or that, perhaps because of an injury, he is being forced to leave.

So, we make a federal case out of it and ask, "Will he or won't he?''

We're told the silence will be broken in a few hours. Favre will announce he's staying or reluctantly he's departing. Yet, instead of the finish to the drama, it will only be an intermission.

The tale is destined to continue. We'll be ruminating about a man who is about to be 41, who is a grandfather, who will be starting in the NFL, or we'll be waiting for Brett Favre to reconsider his retirement. Don't you love it?