December 7, 2012
Welcome back to the NFL Pregame Flyover, the only NFL column that does not use child labor.
Before we do our thing – and tell you which games are Probably worth watching, which games are of Questionable worth, Doubtful worth, and negative worth – let’s pour some out for the homies who can’t make the playoffs.
No bonus round for these 8 teams
Four teams in each conference have been eliminated from playoff contention, in keeping with the NFL’s insistence that everything be balanced at all times. Can you name all eight? Here’s a hint: these teams have combined to win four Super Bowls, and three of those Super Bowls were won by the Raiders. The fourth was won by the Chiefs. Some might say the other six teams - Titans, Jaguars, Panthers, Eagles, Cardinals and Lions – are abject failures. But that’s a decidedly negative attitude and one we do not endorse. When we look at a glass, we always consider it half full, even if the glass is empty.
With that in mind, let’s look at the eight teams that have been eliminated from playoff contention and consider some things for which they might be thankful.
Raiders: Thank heavens Al Davis is not alive to see this team. He was committed to excellence, winning and bending the rules, and it would kill him to see Bountygate involve some namby-pamby team like the Saints.
Eagles: With the victory over the Bucs last week, the Eagles have finally won a game more recently than the Phillies. Praise be.
Titans: Tennessee continues to lose consistently, but their losses are of the garden variety sort. If they were to lose, say, 58-0, their players might attract the unwanted advances of a certain ex-teammate.
Cardinals: “We can’t go 0-16.”
Lions: “We can’t go 0-16 again.”
Chiefs: At least they found their quarterback of the future in Brady Quinn.
Jaguars: Thanks to the rookie wage scale in the collective bargaining agreement, they won’t have to break the bank for the No. 1 pick in the draft, which is good because you shouldn’t overpay for someone who doesn’t want to live in Jacksonville.
Panthers: Even with their disappointing season, Carolina players are thankful that Steve Smith hasn’t punched any of them recently.