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Pay Homage to Gamblor - SUPER BOWL

by Jeff Briggs
“ The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!” --Homer Simpson

Playoff Record: 6-4. It’s Super Bowl time, the high holiday of sports gambling. The game that people make bets on even when they really don’t like the line or know anything about what they are betting on. Where every gambling site offers ridiculous prop bets, and people eat them up. We’ll take a look at some of those prop bets, as well as the game itself (there is football too, it’s not all spectacle and gambling).

There are two kinds of crazy Super Bowl bets, those that are about the game (first to score, MVP, most penalties, etc.); and those that have nothing to do with football. We’ll take a look at some of these crazy bets first.

Commercial Bet:

Which Super Bowl commercial will have a higher rating on USA Today's annual Ad Meter?
Budweiser 1:2
Go Daddy.com 3:1
Pepsi 6:1
McDonald's 9:1
Victoria Secret 8:1
Other 2:1

Wow, they must really think Budweiser is coming to play this year. Well, last year they took six of the top seven spots. Regardless of that performance, I can’t bet on those odds. I’d roll the dice with Pepsi at 6 to 1, if I were degenerate enough to bet on this.

Manning Family Bets:

How Many Times will Joe Buck mention Peyton Manning's name during the Broadcast?

Over 5.5 (-120)

Under 5.5 (-120)

How many times will Archie Manning be shown on the TV Broadcast?

Over 4.5 (-150)

Under 4.5 (+110)

For the Peyton bet, it is specified that Buck has to say his full name, ‘Peyton Manning,' not just Peyton. For that reason, I’d look at the under. For the Archie bet, the over is pretty much locked up right now; they crushed that number in the NFC Championship. I think it would be fun if Fox decided to show someone else’s dad all game instead, like Giants backup LB Chase Blackburn.

"Where's My Dad?"

Is it just me or does that picture makes it look like he'd never seen a camera before and was so excited and awestruck to be having his picture taken that he could barely contain himself?

Incredibly Ridiculous:

Color of liquid winning Head Coach is doused in:

Transparent +200

Green +500

Yellow +300

Orange +200

Red +300

Blue +1000

Purple +1600

So it seems Orange and clear are the most popular colors of sideline drink. Who knew?

Tom Petty Prop Bets That Will Never Happen:

Smokes a joint during half time show +10000

Has a wardrobe malfunction +12500

Streaks field during play +50000

Will smash a guitar on stage +6500

Will curse during performance +1000

If you bet on these, you probably have a problem. Although, if you put a dollar down and Tom Petty decides to expose himself mid song, you get $12,500. Pretty sweet deal.

Real, football bets, that are still dumb:

There are so many of these that I’m not gonna list any of them with the odds, because it would make this column about 10 pages long. You can go to any online gambling site and see a huge list. These bets include anything and everything you could imagine, number of fumbles by a team or specific player, interceptions thrown, who runs/passes/receives for the most yards in the game, number and success of challenges, number of penalties, number of times a first down measurement is made. I wouldn’t be surprised if you could find a place to bet on the number of times Chase Blackburn scares little children with his smile.

"It's me again!"

Ok, with those out of the way, let’s look at the actual football game. Let me say first, that I hate both teams, and am already annoyed at having to hear either set of fans talk all summer long. Now, for betting there are two ways to view this game, and they give you two different betting options.

My initial thought was the Patriots have stopped covering spreads and beating people by lots of points. The Giants are playing very well, and of course, played the Pats close in Week 17. Again, the Patriots have not covered in seven of their last eight games, lately winning by about 10 points each time. Eli Manning seems to have figured out how to not be a bad quarterback. Plus, the Patriots always seem to play very close Super Bowls. These are all good signs for the Giants.

But then I got to thinking, and now I have a second viewpoint. This game will be played in warm weather, or under a roof. This is a huge advantage for the Pats. They destroyed everyone they played when it was warm or indoors, with the exception of the Colts. Throw on top of that the fact that for some reason, 40% of the public thinks the Giants are going to win the game outright. Never a good sign when a lot of the public is picking the upset, because usually the public is wrong. Also, Captain Excitement, Bill Belichick, has had two weeks to prepare and gameplan; it spells Pats blow out.

The pick:

Patriots (-11.5) over Giants

I think the Pats take charge of this game and put it away early.
Patriots 37, Giants 20