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NBA Playoff Preview: Cavaliers vs. Wizards

by Robbie Gillies

#4 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. #5 Washington Wizards
(Season Series – 2-2)

Season Series: 2-2 (One game was without LeBron James and in another the Cavs played with just eight players following their massive trade)
Average Score: 99-95 Cavaliers
History: This will be the third year in a row these two have met in the first round of the playoffs. The Cavs beat the Wizards in six games in 2006 and swept them last season.
Best Nickname: Where to start?
DeShawn “The Locksmith/Poppa Smurf” Stevenson
Gilbert “Agent Zero/Black President/Hibatchi” Arenas
Caron “Tough Juice/Caronimo/CB3” Butler
Nick “Bean Burrito/Skywalker” Young
Andray “Bulletproof/Ziploc” Blatche
Oleksiy “The White Hole” Pecherov
BUT, I have to award this one to a very simple nickname: King James
Worst Nickname: Daniel “Boobie” Gibson
Most Fascinating Player: Lance Allred - He grew up on a Mormon compound and is writing a Jane Austen satire.
TV Show Battle: Drew Carey Show vs. The West Wing - Gonna have to give this one to The West Wing because of consistency. The Drew Carey Show was really good for the first few seasons, but then it just kept going. It lasted nine seasons and the final episodes aired during the summer - now that's a bad sign.
Fashion Statement Battle That Could Have Been: If only the Cavs hadn't traded Drew Gooden. Then the beard off competitors would be facing off.
Project Runway Battle:

Damon Jones vs. 80's DeShawn Stevenson

Clearly, DeShawn wins this one hands down.

Matchup To Watch: LeBron James vs. DeShawn Stevenson: These two have jawed at each other and DeShawn has called LeBron overrated. LeBron responded:

With DeShawn Stevenson, it's kind of funny, It's almost like Jay-Z [responding to a negative comment] made by Soulja Boy. It doesn't make sense.

The Akron Beacon Journal also points out that this feud might be hip-hop based:

Stevenson and James might indeed have some personal stuff behind the scenes. Stevenson has dated LeToya Luckett and Farrah Franklin, both of whom were members of R&B group Destiny's Child. Of course, James is very close to former Destiny's Child member Beyonce Knowles, who is engaged to close friend Jay-Z. James' friend and manager, Maverick Carter, also dated Kelly Rowland, another former Destiny's Child member.

Rap Battle: Wale vs. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. Talk about two careers going in completely opposite directions...
Most Underrated Player: Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I’ve made many jokes about how the Cavs are a one-man team, but Ilgauskas has produced all season long. He’s averaged 14 points, 9.4 rebounds and 1.6 blocks per game. Ilgauskas should have been an All-Star this season at the Center position (Chris Bosh isn’t REALLY a Center).
Keith Van Horn Award (Most Overpaid Player): Wow, this is a close race. Ben Wallace is making $15.5 million, but Wally Szczerbiak is making $12.275 million. Szczerbiak takes it because he's averaging just 36% from the field since joining the Cavs. Isn't he supposed to be a good shooter?
How Wizards Will Win: Agent Zero smoothly works himself into the lineup and is able to produce and the Wizards expose LeBron's weak supporting cast.
How Cavs Will Win: LeBron James hits four game-winning shots.