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April 07, 2008
by Robbie Gillies
At halftime of the Heat vs. Hornets game on Wednesday, several Miami Heat players (Dwyane Wade, Shawn Marion, Alonzo Mourning, Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem, Marcus Banks and Dorell Wright) fielded calls to generate season ticket sales. All of the players were injured or recovering from surgery. You know it's bad when Chris Quinn leads your team in scoring. But, it got me thinking, what if other teams pulled the same marketing campaign? Here are some of the things that might be heard:
Keith Van Horn of the New Jersey Nets
“Hi this is Keith Van Horn of the New Jersey Nets and I'm offering…No, I haven’t played in a game all season but…yes I am making over four million dollars this season….No, I wouldn’t say I’m the luckiest man in the NBA. Have you seen Marko Jaric’s wife?”
Ron Artest of the Sacramento Kings
"Are you from the Nasty North or the Dirty South?"
"Of course I'm happy in Sacramento. I'll definitely be here next season...Yeah, I know I've said that before, but THIS time I mean it..."
Allen Iverson of the Denver Nuggets
"Yeah, I have done this before...You think I need what? Practice!?!? Practice? We talkin bout sellin season tickets and you talkin bout practice?"
Adam Morrison of the Charlotte Bobcats
"Come on. Please buy some tickets!...No we don't suck! Stop saying such mean things!... (Breaks down into tears) I did not peak in college!"
Stephon Marbury of the New York Knicks
“You buy some season tickets and I’ll throw in some of my shoes. I got boxes of em…You don’t even got to buy the tickets, just gimme your address and lemme send you a few boxes. I got boxes and boxes just takin up room and the garage and the wife has been nagging for me to clean up in there…”
The Knicks had asked Isiah Thomas to do it, but he declined saying, "Bitch, I don't give a f--- about the sponsors. I don't give a f--- about ticket sales," and "We're not going to do any more of these f------ community events. I'm here to win f------ basketball games."