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Suggestions For New Deadspin Editor

by Robbie Gillies

On June 5th, Will Leitch announced that he was leaving Deadspin to take a position with New York magazine. There has been much speculation about who will take his place and odds have even been established. Deadspin has been, by far, the biggest and most influential sports blog and I wonder how Deadspin will change with a new leader at the helm. How would it change if these journalists were to take the position?

TONY KORNHEISER

We’re gonna have no posts after 7pm, I gotta get my sleep. Unless of course Idol is on. I told everyone Cook would win it over Archuleta. Oh, and no guest-blogging from Joe Theismann.



BILL PLASCHKE

Deadspin will be full of sports knowledge and insight.
The public thirsts for this knowledge.
Deadspin will be the lake that the public can quench that thirst.
The public will swim through the knowledge like the indigenous yellow perch swims through Lake Simcoe.
(to self) I’m so brilliant.

BILL SIMMONS

First thing I’m gonna do is license the rights to Karate Kid. Then, let’s get some of those photoshop nerds to put Teen Wolf in it. Then It's off to Vegas to bet on all things Boston. I can work from Vegas right? God, that reminds of this time I was in Vegas having just watched Hoosiers and I was talking to the dealer about my Ewing Theory...



JAY MARIOTTI

We will attack those that are too soft to make absurd and outlandish claims! I mean physically attack them...






STEPHEN A. SMITH

QUITE FRANKLY, I THINK I’D TRADE THIS POSITION FOR A BAG OF CHEEZ DOODLES AND RASHO NESTEROVIC! NOT THAT I GOT ANYTHING AGAINST BLOGS, GOT MY OWN NOW! BUT I REALLY LOVE ME SOME CHEEZ DOODLES!




WOODY PAIGE

Our main purpose is to tell teams what to do.
(Bill Simmons already mentioned that)
No, I mean just ridiculous stuff! How bout Carmelo Anthony for Chauncey Billups? Or Matt Holliday for the Giants best, cheapest, and youngest pitcher? You think I could trade in this position for Ambassador of Awesomeness? I think it’s possible. I'm full of brilliant ideas.



BUZZ BISSINGER


Now that I’m in charge we will be taking our time with our reports. No more cruelty, dishonesty, crassness and snarky comments. No more scantily-clad women gracing these pages. Everything will be fact-checked, and confirmed by multiple sources. We will write with eloquence and truthfulness. We will strive for the combination of WC Fieldz’s gripping nature and Sophocles’ basic tenants of the dramatic. Expect our first post by 2011.