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Dusty Baker Acknowledges OBP, World Spins Off Axis

by Ryan Hudson

If you've noticed a recent shortage of bottled water, canned foods and bomb shelters at your local grocery store, it's because the end of days is upon us: Dusty Baker has acknowledged on-base percentage.

Recently, Reds manager Baker was asked about Ken Griffey and Adam Dunn, who hit third and fifth in his lineup, despite their .236 and .230 batting averages, respectively.

"Their averages are low, but their on-base percentages are still high," Baker said. "Their on-base percentages are higher than some of the guys who are hitting. I know they can hit, but it also helps to get on base and put a pitcher in the stretch. That's the thing. Most starters don't like being in the stretch."

"So, it's like, if people get on base, they're more likely to score than those times they don't get on base?" Now you're getting it, Dusty! Next up: limiting your starting pitchers to less than 200 innings pitched in a month.

Despite his apparent progress, Baker still draws criticism from FJM, as he often does, but hey: baby steps, people. Baby steps.