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July 31, 2008
by Robbie Gillies
Yesterday we mentioned the ridiculous rule change to baseball in the Olympics.
Each team's at-bat in the 11th inning and beyond will begin with runners on first and second bases. Teams may start the 11th at any point in their batting order... For example, a team that opts to lead off with its No. 3 hitter would begin with its No. 1 batter on second base and its No. 2 hitter on first with no outs.
Since the fundamental rules of baseball are going to be ignored, we figured we might as well suggest some of our own changes to the game:
1. In order to complete a sacrifice fly, you must in fact, sacrifice someone on your team.
2. The home team is determined by a race to the baseball sitting in center field (anything that's good enough for the XFL is good enough for Olympic baseball!)
3. The 7th inning stretch is replaced with:
4. There are no losers and everyone gets to bat (just like little league!)
5. You get an extra run for every Chinese baby you adopt.
6. The first base line is replaced with the Crocodile Mile.
7. The pinch hitter is brought to you by sponsor McDonald’s who provides the players. You have your choice of Ronald, Grimace, Birdie The Early Bird, and the Hamburgler. Although the Hamburgler is a much better pinch runner with his penchant for stealing things.
And I know what you're thinking, but Mayor McCheese is ineligible due to doping. We should've known...
8. Here's one that actually makes sense: The foul poll is renamed the fair poll.
9. And finally, the winner’s league gets home field in the World Series.