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December 04, 2008
by Robbie Gillies
At this point in the NFL season some teams are vying for playoff position, others playoff hopes are on the brink, and some should begin planning for next year. But the games must be played regardless of whether teams have been eliminated or not, if only to see the Lions pursuit of imperfection. Since the games must be played, the eliminated teams might as well make them entertaining. Just under a month ago, with the Bengals at 1-8, Cincinnati Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty suggested the Bengals should go for it on fourth down every time. Then, just a few days ago Pat McManamon of the Akron-Beacon Journal called for the Browns to use kick returner Joshua Cribbs at quarterback. It's not as far-fetched as it sounds since Cribbs did play QB at Kent State. Both of these suggestions while completely ridiculous would definitely drum up some publicity and make both teams a whole lot more entertaining. Here's what other teams that aren't going to make the playoffs could do to make their games watchable:
Detroit is in rough shape. Not only do the Big Three desperately need a bailout but the Lions are staring at an 0-16 season. The problem is the management of both the auto industry and the football team. What they need is some Japanese ingenuity. The Lions have been sacked an NFL-high 45 times this year; their QB’s just can’t stay on their feet. Maybe their legs are getting tired. Well, Honda has the perfect solution: Robot legs!
Since it hasn’t worked having two mediocre quarterbacks split the starts this season I think it’s time for the Texans to go retro. They need to bring back Mittens.
David Carr is in the renaissance of his career. With the Giants he has a phenomenal passer rating of 127.1. Sure he’s thrown just one pass of 5 yards, but he hasn’t fumbled or been sacked yet.
If there’s one thing the Bills are good at it’s losing Super Bowls. Obviously that won’t be happening this year so they need to do the other thing they’re good at: creating a QB controversy. With Trent Edwards struggling it’s time to bring in JP Losman to throw a couple bombs to Lee Evans and get everyone questioning if sticking with Edwards the whole season was the right move. Then, going into next season training camp will be that much more entertaining.
The Rams offense has been horrible and it’s time for them to mix things up. The wildcat has been all the rage this season so why not put your seven-time Pro Bowler back there and see what he can do. I’m talking about Orlando Pace. Who’s going to want to pull down that 325-pounder (that was generous of the media guide) when he pancakes 300-plus pound guys all the time.
The 49ers lead the league in fumbles and fumbles lost. If they’re going to fumble the ball, why not do it on purpose? It’s time for the 49ers to implement the fumblerooski as their default play. Hey, if Mike Singletary is crazy enough to drop his pants to motivate the team it’s entirely possible he could be open to this idea.
The only thing scary about the Raiders (beside Nnamdi Asomugha) is Al Davis. Why not make use of that?
Tell me that wouldn't scare anyone away.
Since they’re not going to make the playoffs they might as well help others make them. I'm not talking about the NFL playoffs but fantasy playoffs. They should let LaDainian Tomlinson run the entire offense. He’s having an off year, but this will make it up to all the fantasy owners that picked him first overall (assuming they made the playoffs despite LT's down year).
It’s time for a QB change in Jacksonville. Clearly David Garrard isn’t having the year he was last year. Last year he threw just 3 interceptions. So far this year, he already has nine. It’s time to turn to Cleo. Not backup Cleo Lemon but Cleo the psychic.
She’ll know what’s coming at all times as long as you continue to pay her 99 cents a minute.
I know I’ve thrown out some crazy suggestions so far. But this one is pretty dramatic. Larry Johnson has been one of the Chiefs only offensive weapons for awhile now but I think it’s time for him to transition to the defensive side of the ball. If you can just brainwash him into thinking the opposing team is a bunch of girls
he’d be a beast linebacker.
Matt Hasselbeck isn’t cutting it this year. It’s time to bring in his brother, Tim. Do I think Tim is a better QB? Definitely not, but if it gets Elisabeth Hasselbeck more TV time I’m all for it.
They are actually still alive in the playoff hunt BECAUSE they have gone the entertaining route. They’ve decided to completely abandon the run and pass on every down. It just might get Drew Brees the MVP.