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January 16, 2009
by Robbie Gillies
These mayors need to step up their game. Every time there’s a major sporting event, mayors from the two cities play this publicity stunt where they wager “the best” their cities have to offer. Green Bay would offer up a wheel of cheese and Chicago would put up a deep dish pizza or something. The Pittsburgh mayor changing his name was pretty good but it wasn’t a bet. I want those bets you make with your boys. You know what I’m talking about. The loser has to run around the house naked during winter, or has to be the other person’s butler for a week, or has to take a bite out of a stick of deodorant. These are the types of bets that we want to see and if these mayors were man enough (What? The mayor of Baltimore is a woman?) they would take our suggestions and place some real bets:
If the Eagles win the Phoenix mayor should have to:
-Eat either a Philly cheesesteak every day for a year. Subsequently, Phoenix should begin looking for their next mayor.
-Walk into a Philly bar and tell everyone he thinks Rocky is the worst movie ever made.
-Dress up as Santa and attend an Eagles home game.
And that guy only said he thought Raging Bull
was a better boxing movie.
If the Cardinals win the Philadelphia mayor should have to:
-Be doomed to experience the horrible NFL drought the Cardinals’ fans have experienced.
-Patch the crack in the Liberty Bell with a Matt Leinart fathead
-Never be allowed to play golf in Arizona (there’s really not that many BAD things about Arizona).
If the Ravens win the Pittsburgh mayor should have to:
-Give one of the rivers to Baltimore. They got three. they can spare one.
-Change his last name again. This time to ‘IlostastupidbetandallIgotwasthislastname’. That’s gonna be really annoying when filling out forms.
-Spend a night in the vacants.
I don’t think The Wire
did anything positive for Baltimore tourism.
If the Steelers win the Baltimore mayor should have to:
-Eat a primanti brothers sandwich everyday for a year. Subsequently, Baltimore should begin looking for their next mayor.
-Walk up to Ray Lewis and say, “Psssh. You call that defense?”
-Dress as Steely McBeam at his next press conference no matter how serious the topic is.