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Bowling Anyone?

by Tanner Munroe

This past weekend, I did something I can honestly say I’ve never done before in my life: I watched an entire bowling match from start to finish. Many everyday sports fans might ask, why would you watch bowling? Honestly, I was getting bored of watching a bunch of unknowns dominate at the US Open. That and the constant rain had chased away any weekend plans I may have had.

So I was stuck inside with nothing to watch, and I happened to go to ESPN2, where a re-run of a Lumber Liquidators PBA King of Bowling match was just getting underway. I normally would have clicked off immediately, but I was intrigued for a few reasons. To start, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the chair they had the apparent reigning “King” Wes Malott sitting in. It was actually a throne. Instead of the uncomfortable looking stackable chair his opponent Walter Ray Williams Jr. was occupying, Malott was literally kicking back on a padded velvet and gold throne fit for the likes of royalty.

Then right before the event started, Williams Jr. proceeded to kneel at the foot of Malott’s throne, and bow his head in what I assume was a sign of respect for the reigning King of the bowling kingdom. Needless to say, I was hooked.

Throughout the match I continued to get some laughs because of the announcers. I think they’re names were Randy Peterson and Rob Stone, but don’t quote me on that. Anyway, the two were surprisingly funny and witty, and seemed to have a great rapport with one-another. One of them would say something hilarious like, “Maybe if Walter Ray were to hit him with a taser right about now, he’d have a chance to get back in this match.” Then the other would counter with, “I think you’re going to have to follow it up with a crow bar to the cranium.” It would be hard for anyone not to laugh while watching any sport, let alone BOWLING, after hearing the announcers say things like that. They also kept referencing a match between Malott and PTI’s Michael Wilbon, in which Wilbon actually beat Malott. Apparently Malott was a little upset with that loss because he took it out on Walter Ray.

Outside of all the shenanigans and funny comments that were being made, Malott ended up bowling a perfect game. So on top of all the comedic reasons for staying tuned in, I was also rewarded with a pretty good show of bowling talent.

So, congratulations to the PBA for winning me over with one match. Now all they have to do is convince the rest of America that bowling can be a lot more entertaining than most sports fans perceive.

Here’s video of the event, if you’re interested to see what I’m talking about.

Part II and Part III.