The blogosphere is full of reports that Derek Jeter will marry Minka Kelly, perhaps in November, perhaps at Oheka Castle in Cold Spring Hills, NY. (The now ultra-luxe party spot has had a checkered history. Built originally as a private estate for Otto HErmann KAhn, it has served as a retreat for New York's sanitation workers, a Merchant Marine radio school, and Eastern Military Academy.)

Jeter's dating history is a Who's Who of Wow, comparing in quality to what Wilt Chamberlain and Warren Beatty had in quantity. Mariah Carey, Miss Universe Lara Dutta, Joy Enriquez, Jordana Brewster, former Miss Teen USA Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel (clearly he was getting into a rut), Scarlett Johannson, Gabrielle Union, Adriana Lima, and -- finally? -- everybody's favorite cheerleader/girlfriend/born-again-wannabe from Friday Night Lights.

Good to know there's one part of Jeter's game that's not overrated.

There's just one thing that gets to me about every photo of Derek and Minka: Why do they never look happy together? If one of them's smiling, the other's looking somewhere else. Even in their New York Post water frolic pictures they look like they're contemplating root canal, not incredibly photogenic foreplay.

Minka, Minka -- think it over. And give me a call if you have any questions.