“ The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!” --Homer SimpsonLast week: 7-9. Season: 26-32-2. Having to pick the entire week early is somewhat damaging to the strength of my picks, but that’s not an excuse. I underperformed last week. I’m picking like Bill Simmons right now. On the plus side, I did get my lock and my college pick last week. Time for the playoff push, home team in CAPS.
Packers (+7) over COWBOYS
Hey, most of America, bet you are jealous that I get the NFL Network. This seems like an awful lot of points to be giving the Packers.
REDSKINS (-5.5) over Bills
I wouldn’t touch this game. The Skins could be completely distracted or they could be extremely motivated by the Sean Taylor tragedy. Let’s just hope there are wide receivers in heaven so he has someone to hit this week.
VIKINGS (-3.5) over Lions
If the Vikings win this game they are suddenly front and center in the playoff picture. I thought I’d enjoy betting against Jon Kitna in the playoffs, but Tarvaris Jackson? If the Vikings make the playoffs I’m buying a boat.
Texans (+4) over TITANS
With Albert Haynesworth out the Titans have been nothing short of terrible (0-3 without him). If he doesn’t play (currently questionable) this is a sure Texans pick, but if he does play, it's a toss up. Or he could step on someone's face.
Jaguars (+7) over COLTS
Seven seems high. The Colts won big in the last game between the two, but Garrard also got knocked out early.
Jets (+1.5) over DOLPHINS
I’m hoping for a winless Dolphins team to take out an undefeated Patriots team when they meet. Does Ricky Williams get drug tested still now that he’s out for the season? Or will we see him lighting up a blunt with a Sherpa on the sideline this week?
PANTHERS (-3) over 49ers
No way the 49ers can play respectable football two weeks in a row. Also, old man Testaverde’s back seems to be back in order, which is an upgrade from David Carr and Matt Moore. Hey Matt, I think your career might be in trouble when you are a serious downgrade from a QB who was in college when you were born.
Browns (+1) over CARDINALS
I can see this game maybe being close, but I don’t see Arizona winning it. Browns are the lock.
BEARS (+1.5) over Giants
A little delayed, but let the annual New York Giants and Eli Manning 2nd half collapse begin!
Bengals (+7) over STEELERS
Bengals have won three of the last four in Pittsburgh. Also, expect the field to be crappy again, which means there might not be 7 points total.
SAINTS (-3.5) over Bucs
Broncos (-3.5) over RAIDERS
Chargers (-5.5) over CHIEFS
EAGLES (-3) over Seahawks
Patriots (-20.5) over RAVENS
I also like the over 51 points here. People think the Eagles might have helped other teams to ‘figure out’ the Patriots. I say it’s more likely the Patriots are now angry at appearing mortal.