“ The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!” --Homer SimpsonLast week: 10-6. Season: 41-48-2. Lock of the week: 5-1. The push for .500 is on! Despite the Mitchell report coming out and dominating all news circuits, there are still going to be NFL games this week, and I must pick them. Home team in CAPS.
TEXANS (+1) over Broncos
Um. Is there something going on that I don’t know about? Why are the Broncos favored on the road? In their last road game they lost by 14 points…to Oakland!
Bengals (-8.5) over 49ERS
I hate the idea of giving the Bengals this many points against a team of legless third graders. Luckily, the 49ers are worse than legless third graders.
SAINTS (-4) over Cardinals
This is essentially a playoff game for both these teams. To have a shot, they’ll probably have to win out.
BUCS (-13.5) over Falcons
Jeff Garcia is back! There’s nothing to get you back into the flow of the game like playing the practice squad Atlanta Falcons.
DOLPHINS (+3.5) over Ravens
I don’t know why. This is the best chance for the Dolphins to win a game. The Ravens have lost 7 straight and seemed lost last week after dropping the Pats game.
Jaguars (+3.5) over STEELERS
In my opinion, the Jags are the better team, but the Steelers have home field. The Jags could sneak this one out, but I think the Steelers will win the game, but only by 3.
PATRIOTS (-23.5) over Jets
Somehow this line has fallen from what it opened at. I don’t know how. This is the revenge game. I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but apparently the Patriots did some illegal videotaping of the Jets and the Jets turned them in. The media didn’t really cover it, so maybe you didn’t know. Anyways, prediction, Patriots, 67-10, lock of the week.
Colts (-10.5) over RAIDERS
I don’t understand why the Raiders are only going to play Russell on two series. Maybe Al Davis thinks they are in the playoff hunt.
CHARGERS (-10) over Lions
I think the Lions put it all on the line last week and they came up short. I expect their performance this week to be similar to the Ravens game against the Colts last week. The Lions can kiss the playoffs goodbye, but at least Jon Kitna won’t have to miss any January church Sundays for pesky playoff games.
GIANTS (-4.5) over Redskins
I don’t know what happened, but the Giants decided not to collapse this December, maybe they didn’t get the annual memo. Also, the Redskins hate touchdowns and while Todd Collins played well last week, I doubt he’s the answer.
Bears (+10) over VIKINGS
It’s a battle of the Adrian Peterson’s! Yes, the Vikings are red hot, but I see the Bears being able to keep this one close. They haven’t lost by 10 since week 4.
Seahawks (-7) over PANTHERS
Titans (-4) over CHIEFS
Eagles (+10.5) over COWBOYS
BROWNS (-5.5) over Bills
Packers (-9.5) over RAMS