Padres front office guy #1: You, hear the Cardinals recently signed Juan Gonzalez?

Padres front office guy #2: What?? That's going to throw-off the whole balance of the NL! They're clearly the front-runners now. We must respond in kind! What washed-up home run hitter can we sign?

Padres front office guy #1: Way ahead of you. We already are in talks with Tony Clark.

Padres front office guy #2: That's a good start, but let's have Fred "The Crime Dog" McGriff on speed dial.