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August 29, 2008 4:30 AM

Team Allegiance Or Child Abuse?

You ever see some of these celebrity kid names and just feel bad for them? Nicholas Cage named his kid Kal-El (aka Superman's birth name), Jason Lee's son is named Pilot, Gwyneth Paltrow had a baby Apple, and David Duchovny and Tea Leoni came up with the super-creative name of Kyd (more horrible celeb baby names here). Those kids are going to be tortured but at least they'll have millions of dollars to waste on drugs and therapy in an attempt to get over their childhood traumas. But I've found something worse than naming your kid an awful name.

How about branding your kid as someone who loves losers from the day they're born:

[Kayla Frances Dyer's] father, William Dyer of Medina, OH signed her up for the Browns Kids Club, making her an official fan, the very day she was born, this past Aug. 18.

The Browns were once the most dominant team in football. They joined the NFL in 1950 and proceeded to go to six straight Championship games, winning two of them. But more recently, they haven’t been to the playoffs since 2002 and haven’t won a playoff game since 1994. Some might say, ‘well they didn’t even have a team from 1996-1998’ but I’m not sure if that helps or hurts their cause. They’ve never been to the Super Bowl, although they once were close…until they handed the ball to Earnest Byner.

Browns’ fans are a very loyal group but the amount of grief they’ve had to deal with I wouldn’t wish upon anyone – especially a newborn baby. The only thing worse would be branded a Bills fan from birth. I’d know, my Dad was born in Buffalo and I inherited his allegiance when I was born..

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