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September 30, 2008 12:45 PM

Joey Porter, Here To Solve the Financial Crisis

The economy is crumbling: cities are running out of gas, the "bailout plan" was denied (maybe it's because it was called a "bailout"), and yesterday was the worst day in the history of the stock market. Where can we turn to in this time of need when we need financial answers and advice?

Ah yes, of course: Joey Porter.

"I'm about to go dig a hole in my back yard and put [my money] in my back yard where I can see it," Porter said Monday. "I don't like this stock stuff. I don't like not being able [to rely on] this bond and that bond. Everything's funny. I don't trust nothing."

"I can't do nothing but watch," Porter said. "We're in a crisis right now. The money's definitely getting funny. So I gotta watch mine with a close eye.


Sounds like Porter has a post-NFL career in investment banking. Let's get him to Congress today, he'll fix this banking problem in no time. Or at least provide some trash-talk to those companies that are collapsing.

"Your stocks dropped 90% - I smell a corporate merger. You better hope you get some government bailouts, or they are gonna let Joey Porter fix the situation. Trust me: you don't want Joey Porter all up in your money"

H/T: AOL Fanhouse

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