Let me suspend football talk to discuss something atrocious that happened last weekend. I’m talking about Beverly Hills Chihuahua, which looks like it might be the worst movie ever made. And it was number one at the box office! That movie being tops at the box office is the equivalent of a Lions vs. Raiders Super Bowl - something that should never ever happen. The premise is that a “ritzy Beverly Hills Chihuahua,” voiced by Drew Barrymore, gets lost in Mexico. That’s a movie. Come on! Who is going to see this? I think I’d rather watch Shaun Rogers and Jon Runyan take a bubble bath.
Anyways, good news from last weekend (for me), I had a winning record and I’m closing in on .500%.
Last week: 7-5-2
Lock of the week: 3-2
Home team in CAPS.
Picks after the jump.
SAINTS (-7.5) over Raiders
Seven and a half points seems like a high line to give a Saints team with a questionable (at best) defense and injury issues, but betting on the Raiders on the road is not smart. They are the Raiders after all. New coach Tom Cable inherits a disheveled franchise. It’s like adopting a child who is already a convicted felon; you know you won’t be with him for very long before he gets taken away from you.
COLTS (-4) over Ravens
I’m not sold on either of these teams. The Colts really should have lost last week and the Ravens just don’t do it for me. Marvin Harrison is being sued for shooting a guy. What I want to know is, if there are eye-witnesses who saw Harrison shoot someone, how has he not been charged with any crime yet? If he gets found guilty in civil court, does he still not get charged? I’m pretty sure shooting someone is illegal.
Bengals (+6) over JETS
The Bengals have played some good teams pretty close this season, and they have to get a win at some point, right? At the very least I expect them to play the Jets close. This Jets team is not good. People have an inflated opinion of them because of the 56 points they put up on the Cardinals in their last game. That would not have happened if NY Giants Kurt Warner hadn’t decided to show up. When a team gives you the ball seven times, scoring 56 is much less impressive.
Panthers (-1.5) over BUCCANEERS
I know Tampa is undefeated so far at home, but it can’t be good for Tampa to keep switching quarterbacks. Also, over the past five years, the Panthers are 8-2 against the Bucs, and one of those losses came when the Panthers were starting David Carr at QB last year.
VIKINGS (-13) over Lions
I made the mistake of picking the Lions last week. I actually thought they could win the game (and no, I was not intoxicated). Well, I’ve learned my lesson. The Lions are not to be trusted, not even with 13 points in their corner.
Bears (-3) over FALCONS
At the end of this game, it is likely that you’ll either be able to say, “A Kyle Orton led team is the best team in their division,” or “The Falcons are actually a decent football team who can go 8-8.” Both statements I would have bet $1,000 against at the start of the season.
TEXANS (-3) over Dolphins
The Texans should have won last week, and I don’t think they’ll make the same mistakes this week. Also, eventually someone has to figure out the Dolphins “Wildcat” offense, where they line up Ronnie Brown in the shotgun and put Pennington out wide. There is a reason these gimmick offenses aren’t seen often in the NFL, and that’s because a defense that knows it’s coming can usually destroy it.
Rams (+13.5) over REDSKINS
The Redskins just don’t blow teams out. It happens like, once a year. Good chance I learn the same lesson I learned about the Lions last week. Under no circumstances should I pick them, but for now, I’ll take the points in what I see as a 10-point game.
BRONCOS (-3.5) over Jaguars
Jacksonville has the 29th ranked pass defense while Denver has the 2nd ranked pass offense. Advantage: Broncos. Didn’t Jacksonville have a good defense last year? What happened to them?
Eagles (-5) over 49ERS
If they have Westbrook, they win this game relatively big. If they do not have Westbrook, they lose this game, straight up. When I wrote this, reports were that he was supposed to play, so, Eagles.
CARDINALS (+5.5) over Cowboys
This Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones fight is incredibly over played. Why should I care if he got in a fight with a bodyguard? This really shouldn’t be an issue. I know, he has a “no tolerance” policy, but there were no charges pressed and this incident really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me, yet it’s the top story on ESPN. With Terence Newman out with a sports hernia, this latest Pacman Jones incident could have really hurt the ‘Boys, but there is no punishment, so lets stop talking about it please.
Packers (+2.5) over SEAHAWKS
This season the Seahawks should only be favored against the Rams, Lions, Chiefs, Raiders, Bengals, and Browns. That’s it.
Patriots (+5.5) over CHARGERS
I have absolutely zero idea what is going to happen in this game. When that’s the case, I take the points. Either of these teams could win their division going away, or they could fold and lose more than they win and I wouldn’t be surprised.
Giants (-8) over BROWNS
And the Giants play yet another horrendous team. If John Gruden coached the Browns, he would have switched quarterbacks about seven times by now. LOCK OF THE WEEK.