UPDATE: In my rush to post the picture, I completely ignored the actual article, which is written by, yes: Ted Williams' frozen head. I wish I were kidding.

I know what you're thinking: Cremation is looking pretty good right now.

Yeah, the ol' Splinter took some licks in life — broken elbow, neck problems, fighter-jet crash landings. But nothing as rough as the abuse I've taken in death.

Course, these lab tech wusses would wait 'til I got no arms to take a run at The Kid.

But if you think a few lumps are gonna keep Teddy Ballgame down, you got another think coming. Like I always say, there's no crying in cryonics.

And look at the bright side, if I wasn't frozen in suspended animation, I wouldn't be able to weigh in on the 2009 playoff picture.