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September 1, 2010 4:29 PM

Column Awards of the Week (8/25-8/31)

Column Awards pic.jpgBy updating RealClearSports I read hundreds of articles every week but sometimes there are particularly passages that need highlighting. And to make these passages more palatable I'm doing them in award form! The awards are completely random and will change weekly (though some may become reoccurring).


This week had the redemption of Tiger...and then Tiger falling apart yet again. Even our own Art Spander thought Tiger had turned it around with his first round 65 but then things fell apart in subsequent rounds and he finished tied for 12th. Everything Tiger does is newsworthy and his first round triumph right after his divorce became official was the topic of many columns. None more entertaining than from the lovely New York Post. Check out the front page of the sports section online following Tiger's performance:

NY Post Tiger pic.jpg

Now those are some good puns. But it didn't just stop at the headlines. Andrea Peysar couldn't help but make an analogy between Woods' off-course activities with his sub-par performance after the first round: By hole's end, the World's Greatest Golfer had shot "par," which, to Tiger, is a bit like sleeping with a chubby chick -- it gets the job done, but no fireworks.

You think the editors of The Post are also Leno's writers?

Worst Hook of the Week

Bob Ford of the Philadelphia Inquirer tries to pull the reader in by telling them what GQ actually stands for: All these years, I thought GQ stood for Gentleman's Quarterly, but when the magazine came out with its exclusive, wide-ranging interview with Donovan McNabb this week, it's obvious the initials stand for Gone Qwazy. Because that's where McNabb has gone. Not Washington, D.C., or Landover, Md. But Qwazy, USA, Zip code 55555.

When you have to make that big a stretch to say what the "Q" stands for maybe it's not worth making the joke. 'Qwazy?' Are you serious? And one 'Qwazy' wasn't enough you had to put it in the address as well? The rest of the article is normal and actually decent but how in the world can it be taken seriously after that lead-in?

Ignorant Insult

Darren Everson of the Wall Street Journal wrote about Boise St. and how their success could be bad for college football. He mentions how their bowl games have yielded paltry ratings but if you extrapolate out his point then it would seem he'd want the top 10 schools playing each other every week. That would be a way to keep the ratings high. That's pretty much the intent of the BCS anyways. But in the article he insults Boise St. with this line: Some people around college football laud Boise for their trick plays and derring-do.

Those trick plays happened in 2007. Did they run any trick plays in last year's Fiesta Bowl? They're 39-1 in the past three seasons, it's just insulting to categorize them as a rag-tag group that survives on lucky trick plays. They're a legit title contender and should be treated as one.



Misplaced Anger

The always controversial Gregg Doyel is mad again. This time he's mad at the players NOT playing on Team USA in the FIBA World Championships: You're not mad at them.
You're mad at people who aren't on the court. Or in the building. Or in Turkey at all.
You're mad at LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. At Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. At Chris Paul and Deron Williams and Dwight Howard.
Mad at them, and more. Disgusted? Sure. I'll go there. I'm disgusted. 

I expect them to represent our country -- to represent me -- in major international competitions.
Is that too much to ask? If you're nodding, explain yourself. Defend yourself. Defend why these filthy rich prima donna athletes have the right to earn more money in a year than my whole block will earn in a lifetime, yet they don't have the obligation to play for our country.


I'm not mad at them at all. Consider the case of Kobe Bryant. In the summer of 2007 he trained with the U.S. Olympic team and then led the Lakers to the NBA Finals, then he played in the Olympics, played in preseason games and led the Lakers to a title. That's a lot of wear and tear on a player and now Doyel thinks he needs to step up and represent the U.S.? I think he's done enough. All of those players have represented the U.S. Do they really need to continue to do so and risk their careers? I think they've done enough. It's time for the likes of Russell Westbrook and Derrick Rose to represent this country. Let those that have done it before have a rest. And as far as how much money they make - that has nothing to do with whether they should play or not. They get paid what the market dictates just like everyone else. Their obligation is to their employers, like the Knicks who wouldn't let Stoudemire play in the World Championships for fear of losing their investment.

Hungry Sportswriter

Whenever I read a column that has a food analogy I always assume the writer is on deadline, is starved, and has food on the brain. That's what I'd like to think happened with Gordon Monson of the Salt Lake Tribune: BYU certainly did its share of stuffing meat into the scraped intestines of slaughtered animals in its quest for independence, wedging most of its other sports into the West Coast Conference, punctuating a sloppy journey with confirmation Tuesday, dealing with all kinds of pirates and frauds en route.

I don't even know what he's trying to say hear and it's not even appetizing to me. It's like an excerpt from Fast Food Nation or something.


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