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December 30, 2010 7:15 AM

Column Awards of the Week (12/22-12/28)

By updating RealClearSports I read hundreds of articles every week but sometimes there are particularly passages that need highlighting. And to make these passages more palatable I'm doing them in award form! The awards are completely random and will change weekly.

Column Awards for slide.jpgUsually I take this space to rant about something bothering me in sports or the way sports are being covered. I could talk about how there are an absurd amount of bowl games that no one cares about or the hypocrisy of the NCAA and its handing out of punishments or I could talk about Tucker Carlson's comments on Michael Vick. But instead of focusing on any of that I'm going to focus on the most ridiculous story of this past week. I'm going to focus on Rex Ryan and his alleged foot fetish. These stories must be so much fun for the media because when something like this happens they can bring out the puns and world-play they love so much. I started keeping track of these after getting sick after reading so many of them so unfortunately I don't have some of the best examples but enjoy these gems:


Rex Ryan has skeletons in his closet, just like you and me. He isn't a criminal. His wife isn't Shoeless Joan Jackson.

Can you imagine the fun Patriots fans are going to have if the Jets wind up in Foxborough for the playoffs? Think of every foot joke that comes to mind and then triple it, add a few unprintable words, and that's what Ryan can expect. Such as: Has the Jets' footloose approach finally gone too far?

If Rex is unwilling to adjust, it's just a matter of time before there are additional controversies and embarrassments. Will there be a conga line of Larry the Cable Guys speaking to Deadspin, the National Enquirer and TMZ about their wild night of foot-rubbing and toe-sucking with Michelle Ryan? Seriously, Sex Ryan could make Tiger Woods wholesome again. ... Look, I pass no judgment on how Rex and Michelle Ryan get their freak on.

"Rex finds new way to put foot in mouth"
Is it just me, or is Deadspin.com -- which posted five videos, one of which seemed to include Ryan's voice -- quickly becoming the WikiLeaks of sports?

Quickly? Deadspin has been uncovering stuff like this for years. In fact, Deadspin began in 2005 and WikiLeaks started in 2006. So actually, WikiLeaks is the Deadspin of politics. On to the awards!


Complaining About Sports on Christmas

No, this award isn't going to Phil Jackson. This goes to Jennifer Floyd Engel of the Fort Worth Star Telegram. She wrote an entire article on why the NFL shouldn't schedule games on Christmas: We could learn a lesson from our Jewish friends and how they treat their most holy of days, Yom Kippur.

I don't even understand what this means. It's not like the sports leagues don't play on Yom Kippur. It's just Jewish people who don't participate. It seems like she's implying that everyone in the NFL are Christians and thus they shouldn't play on Christmas. Also, why not add Thanksgiving into this argument? It's not exactly a religious holiday but for many it's an even more intimate time to spend with family. While it may not be preferable for players to play on Christmas, it's a perfect time for sports since everyone is home with family. The athletes reap the rewards with those huge paychecks.


Over-the-Top Analogy

Clay Travis of FanHouse has some unfavorable comparisons to the NCAA: This has been the year when the NCAA has stopped being a traffic cop and turned into an arbitrary and capricious dictator. Think an insane Saddam Hussein at the height of his powers in Iraq. The NCAA is a totalitarian dictator, the rules are what the NCAA says the rules are. Even if, you know, honest logic dies in the process.

Did you need to put Saddam Hussein into this analogy? Is the NCAA gassing the athletes and killing off all players from a certain conference? No? Well then how about we leave him out of this. Did Travis just not want to fall back on the ole Hitler analogy? Thought he'd freshen it up a bit?

Biggest Man-Crush

Woody Paige of the Denver Post is elated to have Tim Tebow on the Broncos: All Tebow is is a winner, a champion, a class act, the solution. ... "I think we were down 17-0 . . . to win the game was pretty cool." Tim Tebow is pretty cool. ... Sunday was one small step for a young man, one giant leap for man-, woman- and children-kind in Colorado.

The kid has played well in these two games but let's wait until he plays a decent defense before asking him to the Sadie Hawkins dance, ok Woody?

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