By updating RealClearSports I read hundreds of articles every week but sometimes there are particularly passages that need highlighting. And to make these passages more palatable I'm doing them in award form! The awards are completely random and will change weekly.

I have a very simple solution to end the potential NFL lockout. The only problem is it would be fair to both sides and that's not something the owners want. The media always mentions this is a battle of "millionaires vs. billionaires" and that the public will have no sympathy for either side. But the public needs to throw out what everyone is making and look at the situation. Of course the whole thing is about money but it doesn't mean both sides are wrong.

My simple solution is an arbitration hearing. Both sides present their arguments and an independent arbiter makes a fair ruling. Why won't this work? Because the owners won't open their books. Does anyone believe these owners are losing money? The NFL's financial system has been the same for years and the sport has never been more popular. Ticket prices have gone up, TV rights have gone WAY up and some owners have gauged their season ticket holders with personal seat licenses. Player salaries have also gone up but not at the same as the league's profits.

But the owners see a chance to make even more money. They sit on billions AND are guaranteed the TV revenue whether there are games this year or not. They can play chicken for a lot longer than the players, who have an average playing career of about 3 years, can.

There will be endless amounts more written on the pending lockout and then the lockout itself and then the resolution (whenever that happens). Both sides will pander to the public and puff their chests in negotiations. But in the end, the owners will win out. The public won't care that the billionaires hold all the cards and twisted the arms of the players until they cried uncle. They will only be happy when the NFL is back on the air and won't care that the players, the ones that truly fuel the game just got screwed again. On to the awards!

Worst Pop Culture Tie-In

Woody Paige of the Denver Post often starts his column with some sort of goofy premise. Usually I'm able to ignore it, sometimes I actually enjoy it but not this time: Which will become Broadway's biggest $65 million superhero bust: "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" or "Melo-Man: Turn On the Darko"?

"Shrill, insipid mess" -- The Washington Post

"Sheer ineptitude" -- The New York Times

"Megalomania" -- Los Angeles Times

"Incoherent" -- Chicago Tribune

Those criticisms and condemnations were intended for the controversial new musical, but apply to the contentious old Melo-drama.

"Farcical, flopping fiasco" -- The Denver Post

"Melo-Man: Turn On the Darko" That is awful. Just awful. And I've ranted before, I've had enough about columnists complaining about the Carmelo Anthony saga. If you were really annoyed by it you'd stop writing about it.

Best Joke at the Cavs' Expense

Jim Ingraham of the Cleveland News-Herald: OK, so maybe this wasn't the night. It's never the Cavs' night. That night may be out there somewhere. But it wasn't Wednesday night at The Q, which should be renamed the "L."

And now I must apologize for my corny sense of humor. Sorry.

An Idea All Athletes Should Consider

Clay Travis of FanHouse addressed the Mark Sanchez-teenage girl situation and gave this advice to the Jets QB: Hopefully, for his sake, Sanchez actually looked up the age of consent laws in New York instead of relying on a teenager in a club. In fact, if he's going to pursue teenage girls, as frequently as the bi-coastal quarterback travels, he might as well carry a pocket guide to age of consent laws in his wallet. Or keep the Wikipedia page open on his iPhone at all times.

Someone needs to create an app for athletes and when they're not sure if what they're about to do is a crime or not, they can type it into their iPhone and find out. "I'm in Kentucky. Can I bet on a cock fight as long as I'm not the owner of one of the birds?" "I'm in Brazil. Is it legal for me to post Yankees highlights without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball?" Someone get on this stat.

A Scene I'd Like to See

Jack Bechta of the National Football Post paints an interesting picture of what the Combine would've looked like had they had one 20 years ago: You would have witnessed some of the ugliest flabbiest bodies that would make you puke. You would witness multiple stumbles on 40 starts and highly rated draft picks tripping over their feet through the 3 cone drill.

Would it really make us puke? Just 20 years ago? That's 1991. Were athlete REALLY that much more out of shape than they are now? But otherwise, how much more compelling would it be if we saw these athletes in their prime tripping and stumbling? In fact, why don't we throw in a few head down spins on a bat before they run the 40? It would almost be like testing how they'd react after sustaining one of the multiple concussions they will undoubtedly suffer when in the league.

Oddest Paranoid Rant

Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times believes machines are close to taking over the world: Scientists say that by as early as 2045 there may well be a computer that dwarfs mankind. By then, according to the current cover story in Time, a computer might exist that will surpass ''the brainpower equivalent to that of all human brains combined.''
That's smart. Unless we're really dumb. And we're not, except when we do dumb things, like let our heads get damaged continually and call it something like ringing a bell. In our new environment, how can anyone allow his or her IQ, or their children's, to be lowered?

Honestly, I don't even know what this column was trying to say. It was all over the map. It seems like he's saying the brain is something to preserve and these sports injuries are hurting mankind. I don't know. I got lost in all of it - and that's exactly what the computers want! Oh no. He's on their side now...

Ruining the Secret

Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times shares his secret lunch place with the rest of the world: My favorite lunch spot in Los Angeles takes no reservations because it has no tables. It has no menus because it charges no fees. It requires no parking validation because parking is free. It has no waiters because, well, it doesn't even serve food. ... I do lunch in the upper deck of Dodger Stadium. ... Around midday of any day when there is not an afternoon game -- summer, winter, whenever-- drive to the main Elysian Park entrance and tell the guard you are going to the gift shop. (By the way, is this the last place in America where the sports store is still called a "gift shop"?)

The guard will wave you through, and you will follow the road around the entire stadium until you come upon Parking Lot P. (Yeah, you can see the letter on the old-fashioned baseball lamp post.)

Park, walk through the stadium's open door to the gift shop, and then make the most important move of your day. Instead of turning right into the store, keep walking straight to seats beyond it.

I'm interested to see how many hundreds of people do this now. The column is a little bit hokey but I really liked it. He really sets the mood and pulls you in on the secret and it's a great payoff. It must be amazing to eat lunch in the bleachers of Dodgers Stadium with no one else around. Thanks for the tip Plaschke.