Tom Brady wants Patriot fans to get drunk, so that's fun. Brady said "Yeah, start drinking early. Get nice and rowdy. It's a 4:15 game, they'll have a lot of time to get lubed up, come out here and cheer for the home team."

A team spokesperson later clarified that Brady "wants everyone to drink a lot of water, stay hydrated. Drink responsibly."

Yes, start drinking that water early, I'm sure that's what he meant. (P.S. Brady also wants everyone to get really high, by which he meant go mountain climbing.) It's unfortunate that the NFL can't just accept and embrace the fact that the best thing about going to the games in person is getting drunk by tailgating for hours beforehand. Unfortunately there are far too many idiots who think getting drunk at a football game entitles you to engage in a giant brawl in the stands. This in turn forces the NFL to try to keep people from getting drunk and crack down on tailgating (of course they also crack down on tailgating so they can try to get more people to buy $9 beers in the stadium - seriously, why do people go to games anymore?)

I hope you enjoyed your Thursday last night and enjoy the next seven as they are probably the last Thursdays in NFL history that won't have football games. Enjoy the ability to watch other fabulous Thursday programming (Parks and Rec, Community, It's Always Sunny) or God forbid, go and actually do something, because come November 10th Thursdays will be just like Mondays for the rest of time. And sure, you could not watch the game but come on; I think this weekend proved that you will.

Last Week: 7-7-2
Season: 7-7-2
Lock of the Week: 0-0-1

Home team in CAPS

Warning: for some reason a lot of favorites look really good this week, so expect a few underdogs to win straight up just to mess up everyone's teaser bets.

SAINTS (-7) over Bears
Yeah, the Bears won week one after everyone was counting them out for the season, but that's no reason to stop counting them out. They're still good enough to give anyone a fight at home, but I don't see them coming into the Superdome and being able to keep pace with the Saints offense.

LIONS (-8) over Chiefs
I stared at this line for what felt like eternity thinking, 'there is no way the Lions deserve to be favored by 8 points - they're the Lions!' But ultimately I just couldn't pick the Chiefs after their atrocious effort last week. I would say that at some point this season there will be calls to bench Matt Cassel, but then you look at their roster and see that the backup QB is Tyler Palko. Possible David Garrard landing spot?

JETS (-9.5) over Jaguars
The third straight big line for the home team I feel suckered into picking. No one can really expect the Jets to win by double digits after an overall disappointing performance that they only won by the grace of Tony Romo's stupidity. But I still can't bet on Luke McCown. Yes, somehow he survived week 1, but no way the Jets don't dominate a backup QB, and that's still what McCown is in truth.

BILLS (-3) over Raiders
Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills! We are all in agreement this is the number one, and perhaps only, argument the general public has against the Bills being good again right? To avoid hearing Chris Berman say that phrase.

Cardinals (+4) over REDSKINS
The Redskins won a game that no one expected them to, so in true Redskins fashion it's time for them to lose a game everyone expected them to win.

Ravens (-6) over TITANS
The Titans couldn't run the ball on the Jaguars so what chance do they have against the Ravens? Sure, Chris Johnson has had another week to get accustomed to the offense, but the Titans just don't have the look of a team that is ready to compete while the Ravens looked like the class of the AFC.

STEELERS (-14) over Seahawks
Isn't everyone just happy we can bet against Tavaris Jackson again? It's like a big tax rebate for all sports gamblers. Add in the fact that the Steelers are looking to send a message after last week's debacle and it likely means Troy Polamalu will catch more balls this game than any Seahawk.

Packers (-10) over PANTHERS
Lock of the Week
Best thing about Cam Newton's performance in week 1, Steve Smith's return to relevance. Remember when he would go off for 150 yards and 3 TDs whenever anyone talked smack about him, let's hope those days are back. Oh, by the way the Packers are considerably better than the Cardinals.

Buccaneers (+3) over VIKINGS
Donovan McNabb passed for 39 yards with an extra impressive 2.6 yards/attempt. Obviously he's the leader of a team that should be favored. Hey, I took 39 steps yesterday so go ahead and sign me up for that marathon.

COLTS (+2.5) over Browns
Only once in the past ten season has Indianapolis been a home underdog (discounting week 17 games where the Colts sit everyone). Now they are underdogs to a Browns team that lost to the Bengals last week. Can we just retroactively give Peyton Manning the MVP award for every season he played?

Cowboys (-3) over 49ERS
A win over the Seahawks proves nothing for the 49ers and the Cowboys looked good, except for Tony Romo doing his whole throwing the game away thing. I don't think even Romo can mess this one up.

DOLPHINS (+3) over Texans
The Texans are not to be trusted. Sure they beat the Colts handily, but oddly the Dolphins have a much better offense than Indy (at least until Peyton returns). The Texans are a bit better than Miami, but not enough for the Dolphins to be getting points at home.

PATRIOTS (-7) over Chargers
And why are people so high on the Chargers? They barely beat a team that only had 37 yards passing and their special teams looked as suspect as it was last year. Oh, also, their coach is still Norv Turner.

Bengals (+4) over BRONCOS
The Broncos are terrible. Stop favoring them. They have no running game, a suspect passing game, and the entire town hates the QB and wants to replace him with a guy no educated NFL analyst thinks has a shot at being a successful QB. This might be the only time this sentence can be written in the history of Mike Brown - the Bengals are not the most dysfunctional team in this week's matchup.

Eagles (-2.5) over FALCONS
For some reason I see Vick's amazing redemption story taking a downward arc at some point. His completion percentage was only 43.8 and he said he played lights out. Each week he seems to make one more brash, cocky statement and while they are innocuous it just seems like more and more of the old Vick is slipping back out. Regardless, I expect him to play very well in his first game back in Atlanta.

Rams (+6) over GIANTS
Neither team was anywhere in the realm of impressive last week and both have big injury problems, but I'm taking the Rams with the assumption that this might just be the year the Giants are awful. They have too many injuries on defense and too much Eli Manning on offense.