ATTENTION - Startling New Data Reported

Attention - Cookie Monster ate cookies.

Data just released from a 2003 report that named Cookie Monster as one of 104 monsters who tested positive for cookie dough. Although Cookie Monster had long been suspected of cookie eating, he had never been linked to a positive test until now. Lawyers for Mr. Monster have declined to comment on the report.

This news is about on level with the revelation that Sammy Sosa used steroids.