There is only one thing that makes me get through this NFL
season as a Redskins fan without trying to give myself an appendectomy, and
that is that I am not a Browns or Raiders fan. There is hopeless, and then
there is whatever kind of grave misfortune you have if you happen to plan your
fall and winter around watching those two groups of morons attempt not to
destroy your will to live.
As far as my picks -- ouch. I followed up my best week of the
season with my worse. I was not very confident with all of the lines presented
last week, and the books beat the pants off of me. Now it is time to bounce
Last week: 3-10
Lock of the week: 7-1
Home team in CAPS
JAGUARS (-6.5) over
The Chiefs have a sign in their locker room that says, "Losers
assemble in small groups and complain about their coaches and other players.
Winners assemble as a team and find ways to WIN." Their alternative option was a sign that said
"Hey, Larry Johnson, get the F out of Kansas City."
BENGALS (+3) over Ravens
If the Ravens play like they can, like they did last week,
they'll cover. But much like last week, I'm still going to pick against the
Ravens simply because of the spread. The Bengals shouldn't be the dog at home.
Texans (+9) over COLTS
The Colts don't blow out good teams. The Texans will be able
to keep it close. Apologies to Steve Slaton fantasy owners who probably ran
their collective heads through a wall last week as Ryan Moats exploded on the
scene to, at worst, take over Slaton's job, and at best, make the Texans join
the dreaded group of teams with a running back by committee situation.
FALCONS (-10) over Redskins
Nothing helps you recover from two losses in a row like playing the Redskins, the team who loves to give wins to others feeling down and out.
Packers (-9.5) over BUCCANEERS
The Packers have beaten other members of the Sucky Bunch -- the Rams, Lions, and Browns -- by an average of over 23 points. They can't beat good teams, but they can sure beat up on bad ones. LOCK OF THE WEEK.
Cardinals (+3) over BEARS
In the opposite of last year, the Cardinals are very strong on the road and can't get it done at home. But after last week I wonder if we are due for another Kurt Warner implosion, when he's done on a team he really sucks it up for his final few games.
Dolphins (+11) over PATRIOTS
When the Dolphins drafted Ted Ginn Jr. with the ninth overall pick in 2007, they knew it would pay off for them in the return game for one game in the middle of the 2009 season. That must have been the plan all along.
SAINTS (-13) over Panthers
Congratulations Panthers, you no longer suck. Unfortunately for you, your schedule is far too hard for below average to translate into a playoff berth.
SEAHAWKS (-10) over Lions
I wrote this down, then felt there is no way I can pick the Seahawks to cover a 10-point spread. Then I wrote down the Lions and said there is no way I can pick the Lions. So, I'm back to square one without an ounce of confidence. Seattle does have two blowout wins at home, but they are also the most injured team in the NFL.
49ERS (-4) over Titans
The All-Disappointing QB Bowl! The winner will be the guy who hands off to their star running back the most.
Chargers (+5) over GIANTS
And this is the Paper Tiger Bowl. The Giants only have one quality win and are falling apart. The Chargers maybe have one quality win, it's debatable. These teams are no good.
EAGLES (-3) over Cowboys
DeSean Jackson frightens me more than any man in the NFC East.
Steelers (-3) over BRONCOS
The Broncos were exposed last week. They are an average team. Luckily for them, average is way better than the rest of the AFC West.