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November 27, 2009 6:43 AM

Pass the Tums, and the Clicker...

eli ouch.jpgHard as it is, we're going to avoid attaching all turkey references to the latest batch of awful Thanksgiving football fare the NFL served us again this year.
We're not going to type that same old, tired drivel about how unfair it is that Detroit and Dallas always play host to the big football feed on this all-American holiday.

So the marketing monster that is the NFL proves it can get it wrong now and then when it tries to cross-market its blue-collar product to the off-reds and pinks out there. So what, right?

But what was THAT at halftime of the cowpokes' game against the Raiders yesterday?!
Something called Daughtry was playing something sounding like country music, while the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were doing something resembling a shimmy better suited for techno-pop and a semi-upscale N.Y. City strip joint.
Seriously, mixing those two was a lot like pouring giblet gravy into a flute of $15-a-bottle bubbly.
But, hey, why complain, right? They could have stuck us with Up With People.

Why even make light of Detroit's six-game, Thursday losing streak? After all, the only way this pathetic organization draws fans anymore is to fill its home with whine and Cheeseheads from Wisconsin every Turkey Day. 

No sense moaning about how things have actually gotten worse now that the NFL Network has gotten into the Thanksgiving act, and acquired the privilege of serving its semi-exclusive audience prime-time football worthy of indigestion.

So what if for the second time in two years the road team traveled over so many rivers and through some woods only to have the door slammed on their tired faces by grandma. This year the Giants played the accommodating guests, falling at the feet of their very average Denver hosts, 26-6. Last year, Arizona made the holiday romp to Philly, and were walloped with several turkey bones, 48-20, while their fans collectively fell asleep on their couches.

No, it's probably prudent we stick to talking about any given Sunday around here, because if you get us started on Thanksgiving football it won't be pretty.


Take your pick
For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 12 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:
CBS Sports

CBS Sports

This week's 100-proof lock(s) brought to you by the Grill Room:

We know, we know, save the apologies. The service around has been atrocious lately, but can somebody please explain to us how the Steelers spill all over themselves in that loss to the Chiefs?! Seriously. We get that rude performance a week after they fell on their face at home to a  Bengals team that then went to Oakland and fell on its face to the Raiders?!

Nothing makes sense to us anymore. Well, almost nothing. If the Giants think they can bring that shell of themselves around here to cry in their beer, they're sadly mistaken. We've told our 113-pound hostess, Corinna, to toss 'em on the spot, if they dare show their red faces at the Grill Room's green double-doors today.

But enough of all that. It's time we set about making this right with you.
Today, you get two entrees for the price of one:

First, count on a steaming hot Atlanta team Buc-ing their 1-4 skid and destroying Tampa Bay at home. Because on a 'must-game' scale of 1-to-10, this would be about a 9.5 for the Falcs. Lose this, and fly away, boys. They won't. Not even close. Lay the 11.5, and relax.
Second, a snake-bit Houston clubs finally finds a cure against a very good Colts team that is due to get burned after playing with all that fire. The Texans stayed right with the Colts in their first meeting three weeks ago. Can you think of a single reason why they shouldn't again at  home? Maybe you shouldn't answer that...Just take Houston and the 3.5 and enjoy your leftovers 

(Season record: 5-6)

Tape it up

For the latest on all the bumps, bruises, pulls and nicks around the NFL, go here

TV Time

If you can't stop by the Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas, the games the American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

Friday, Nov. 27

Rutgers at Louisville, 11 a.m., ESPN2
Temple at Ohio, 11 a.m., ESPNU
Illinois at Cincinnati, Noon, ABC
Central Florida at UAB, 1:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Wyoming at Colorado State, 2 p.m., Mtn.
Toledo at Bowling Green, 2 p.m., ESPNU
Buffalo at Kent State, 2 p.m., ESPNU
Alabama at Auburn, 2:30 p.m., CBS
Memphis at Tulsa, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Nebraska at Colorado, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Pittsburgh at West Virginia, 7 p.m., ESPN2
Nevada at Boise State, 10 p.m., ESPN2

Saturday, Nov. 28
Clemson at South Carolina, Noon, ESPN
North Carolina at North Carolina State, Noon, ESPN2
Oklahoma State at Oklahoma, 12:30 p.m., FSN
New Mexico at TCU, 1 p.m., Mtn.
Southern Miss at East Carolina, 1:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Grambling vs. Southern at New Orleans, 2 p.m., NBC
Florida State at Florida, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Miami at South Florida, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Arizona at Arizona State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Missouri vs. Kansas at Kansas City, Mo., 3:30 p.m., ABC
Virginia Tech at Virginia, 3:30 p.m., ESPN
Boston College at Maryland, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Utah at BYU, 5 p.m., CBS CSN or Mtn.
Texas Tech at Baylor, 6 p.m., FSN
Arkansas at LSU, 7 p.m., ESPN
Tennessee at Kentucky, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Notre Dame at Stanford, 8 p.m., ABC
Georgia at Georgia Tech, 8 p.m., ABC
San Diego State at UNLV, 9 p.m., Mtn.
UCLA at USC, 10 p.m., FSN
Navy at Hawaii, 10:30 p.m., ESPNU


Sunday, Nov. 29
Tampa Bay at Atlanta 1 p.m., FOX
Miami at Buffalo 1 p.m., CBS
Cleveland at Cincinnati 1 p.m., CBS
Indianapolis at Houston 1 p.m., CBS
Carolina at N.Y. Jets 1 p.m., FOX
Washington at Philadelphia 1 p.m., FOX
Seattle at St. Louis 1 p.m., FOX
Arizona at Tennessee 4 p.m., FOX
Chicago at Minnesota 4 p.m., FOX
Kansas City at San Diego 4:05 p.m., CBS
Jacksonville at San Francisco 4:05 p.m., CBS
Pittsburgh at Baltimore 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Nov. 30
New England at New Orleans 8:30 p.m., ESPN

(All times EST)

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