They've fallen! Can they get back up?
You remember the ad: The old lady has gone head over walker in her bathroom and hollers into her magic pendant: "I've fallen...and I can't get up!"Immediately, a reassuring voice comes back to say, "We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher."
Phew!
Now to the best of our knowledge, Mrs. Fletcher never intended that fall. It was just an unfortunate accident. So what about these NFL teams that only a week or two ago were the picture of good health, but decided that crumbling into the fetal position was proper form heading into the playoffs.
We're talking about you, New Orleans and Indianapolis. We could have been talking about you, too, Arizona, Philadelphia and Cincinnati, but you have showed the occasional propensity to fall inappropriately over the course of the year, so staging your tumble was no less pathetic, but almost excusable in today's NFL.
But now that you've all fallen just as you hoped, do you have a plan for getting back up?
Understand, most of you -- maybe even all of you -- will remain flat on your backs. And won't it all hurt that much more given you were the ones that planted yourself in that silly position to begin with?
Even Mrs. Fletcher will tell you that there are no magic pendants for self-inflicted stupidity.
Now onto a sampling of what the nation's sportswriters and columnists are saying about their football teams across every NFL city, because in the Grill Room we love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.
(28) Buffalo 30
(1) Indianapolis 7
- There's snow such thing as a meaningless game.
- Nothing is adding up in Indianapolis anymore.
(4) New Orleans 10
- Season's over, but Panthers want Moore.
- Saints' losing diet has made them good and healthy.
(21) Jacksonville 17
- After getting doused, will Mangini be left out in the cold?
- Have to wonder if this dude knows Jack about coaching.
(31) Detroit 23
- No new coach in Chicago as Lovie finds a way.
- By now, the Lions are used to this smell.
(5) New England 27
- With win, Texans are better than ever.
- Patriots weren't just playing around.
(18) Miami 24
- Steelers were cooked after playing like turkeys in November.
- Will Dolphins get Bill for upcoming changes?
(20) N.Y. Giants 7
- Vikings say bye to all those silly mistakes.
- There's no Giant defense for coach's putrid performance.
(32) St. Louis 6
- 49ers aren't sure what's up after 8-8 season.
- This inept bunch deserved far worse.
(27) Tampa Bay 10
- Falcons coach clips wings of team's ugly history.
- Barber won't say if he'll make the cut next year.
(9) Arizona 7
- Red-hot Packers turn up heat and fry cautious Cards.
- Coach kept a bunch of Cards up his sleeve.
(15) Denver 24
- In Charles Chiefs trust.
- Busted Broncos showed plenty of quit.
(26) Oakland 13
- Ravens don't need style points to strut past Raiders.
- Honestly, the Raiders need to take a long, hard look in mirror.
(25) Washington 20
- Loaded Chargers can handle their success.
- Redskins finally ready to pull Zorn from their side.
(30) Seattle 13
- When do Titans quit finishing what they started?
- Coach discovers there is grace in losing.
(3) Philadelphia 0
- Wade makes case to return with his defense.
- Eagle eyes never saw this coming.
(8) Cincinnati 0
- Sanchez armed and ready for Jets' running.
- Bengals were in no rush to back up big talk.
(Getty Images photo)
