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March 3, 2010 11:01 AM

Team Tiger's Spy Releases Classified Info

atiger(6).jpgApparently, the Associated Press has a source deep in the heart of Team Tiger's empire, and this source 'with knowledge of his schedule' is saying that the great golfer is hitting balls, and is back to his fitness routine <insert joke here> following a week of family counseling.

And get this: He's pulling all this secretive crap in and around his home city of Orlando.
Shhhhhhh...TMZ might hear about all this scandalous fare.

The AP went on to enlighten us that this source, 'spoke on condition of anonymity because only Woods is authorized to release such information.'

OK, enough of this nonsense already.

This source, who I am about to identify as one of the well-paid representatives in Woods' billion-dollar empire, has no doubt been told to feed this bull to the AP to see how it plays to the once-adoring masses.
'The leakers' know full well an AP story will make its way around the globe with warp speed, and feedback will come at a furious pace.

Is it safe for Tiger to return, or is it still too soon yet? 

Good grief...
So this is how it's going to go eh, Tiger?

First you read the apology speech to your friends, family, representatives, and the fawners at ESPN; then you allegedly go into some family counseling after all that sex counseling, of course; and then you allow yourself to be seen by some well-paid 'spy' hitting golf balls and working out in your various sun-drenched playgrounds.

Check, check and double-check.

Well done, pal.
Nice to see you have changed and aren't choreographing every single move you make professionally. But wouldn't all that prudent planning be best done on the personal side of things, where last we heard you were trying to dig out of this mountain of a mess you heaped on your family?

If Tiger really is plotting a return to the tour so soon, and thanks to this top-secret report the AP has provided I am starting to believe he is, it would be a mistake, but hardly surprising.

I was of the thinking that the million-dollar Tiger Woods Reclamation Project began with the business he needed most to tend to off the course.
I admittedly have been thinking that all along, but even more so since Tiger's speech, in which he looked both extremely pale, and sounded very remorseful.

Nobody needs convincing that Tiger does pretty well with a golf club in his hand. There's a bunch of us, that wonder if there is anything more to him, though.

I am becoming more and more convinced that there's not, and as I've said before, I can live with that. If all the guy ever does is win more than anybody, that's more than enough for me. He's a great golfer.

For what it's worth , I've never worried about confusing him with classy champions like Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. I learned long ago, that Tiger is a well-managed product, and that product only works, if it is scowling at would-be competitors before dusting them off in some golf tournament.

So when he does all this begging for forgiveness, and then runs right back to the golf course, it just looks really pathetic to me.

Just have your spies let us know when you are returning to the golf course, Tiger --- I mean when they are authorized to do so and all.
But spare us all the crapola about the family.


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