Welcome to the GRILL ROOM

July 9, 2010 6:15 AM

Germany, Cleveland, LPGA Feel the Heat

a heat.jpgWell, the Grill Room is currently being painted a lovely shade of yellow as we carve out some time to answer a few burning, sports-like questions from our steamy haunt in Germany on this sizzling Friday morning.

Yes, my point is it's hot as hell in Europe right now, and, no, they don't do A/C over here. No, again, I'm not kidding. Yes, they take this whole global-warming, carbon-footprint stuff very seriously. No, Europeans don't bathe often, and, yes, they smell like day-old fish when the thermometer gushes into the upper-90s.

No, we won't lighten up.

Anyway, I'd like to say we picked the sunny, yellow color in honor of Spain, which saved the continent from certain German domination thanks to its semifinal win over the Schweinsteigers Wednesday night.
Actually, it just seemed like the decent, diplomatic thing to do. After all, Surrender White has always been better suited for a building somewhere in the vicinity of Paris.

So the Germans next assault on their neighbors seems to have been averted for the time being. It's the Spaniards vs. the Dutch in Sunday's World Cup finale, which leads us to our first question: Did you know that?

Here's why we're askin':

Because LeBron James' cable sports company, ESPN, has done nothing the past few days but promote its owner's pending move to any place but Cleveland. The World Cup has suddenly become old, non-existent news on his network.
By our reckoning, the game will start somewhere in the vicinity of 2 p.m. EST on ESPN, sandwiched by approximately seven 2-hour shows dedicated to its owner.

You're welcome.

Next question:

Since about the year 1892, has anybody ever up and moved from Miami to Cleveland?

Here's why we're askin':

Because despite the delicious rant from Cavs' owner Dan Gilbert, a good-looking, 25-year-old single guy and owner of ESPN like James bolting Cleveland for the Florida beaches, hot babes, warm adulation, and a treasure chest stuffed with about a gazillion dollars makes more sense than just about anything you are likely to encounter in this crazy, mixed up world.

A follow-up question:

So we really don't think LeBron owed Cleveland a single thing?

Here's why we're askin':

Because if we actually believed that malarkey, we'd probably deserve to live in that awful place. I bet they have A/C, though.

Another question, different subject:

If the LPGA showed up for its biggest tournament of the year on one of the game's most venerable golf courses, would anybody bother to attend?

Here's why we're askin':

Because in the hours before ESPN televised its owner's big decision Thursday, it used one of its 16 stations to carry first-round coverage of the U.S. Women's Open from Oakmont Country Club.

It looked a lot to the patrons watching in the Grill Room that LeBron made a miscalculation in his staffing for the event. There were more TV people covering the thing than there were fans on the course.

Good grief, you'll see more folks milling around the beaches of Alabama these days.

Of course, it doesn't help that the tour's most notorious player, Michelle Wie, has finally done the responsible thing and pretty much deserted the LPGA for college. She was nice enough to carry her rusty game to Oakmont, and toss in a brutal 82, though. At least she'll be back at Stanford in time for the keggers this weekend.

Here's your leaderboard from Oakmont:

1)   Brittany Lang
T2) Kelli Shean
T2) Amy Yang
T2) Inbee Park
T2) M.J. Hur
T6) Mhairi McKay
T6) Sakura Yokomine

So don't tell me the heat in Pittsburgh had anything to do with the paltry attendance. Right now the LPGA has as much star power as the Republican Party.

And, besides, aren't we all just a little tired of blaming the Heat for everything?
Well?! Aren't we?!

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